The Irish sense of humour is legendary. The Irish joke is an international institution. This is a selection of jokes from Appletree Press’ The Bumper Irish Joke Book by Terry Adlam.
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman had escaped from prison and were in a barn hiding in some sacks when the police came.
A policeman kicked the sack Paddy Englishman was in and Paddy Englishman went, ‘Miaow.’
‘Just a cat in that sack,’ said the policeman. Then he kicked the second sack and Paddy Scotsman went, ‘Quack, quack.’
‘Just a duck in that one,’ said the policeman.
It was going so well. Then the police kicked the last sack and Paddy Irishman went, ‘Potatoes.’
Paddy went round to Thaddy’s and saw him in the living room just staring at a pile of wooden doors, shelves, brackets and screws.
‘What’s up, Thaddy?’ asked Paddy.
‘Oh it’s this self-assembly furniture I’ve just bought. It‘s rubbish,’ moaned Thaddy.
‘I’ve been watching it for three hours now and it still hasn’t done a thing. If I have to wait any longer, I’m going to do it myself.’
Paddy and Thaddy were walking past a forest when they saw a sign that read: ‘Wanted. Tree Fellers.’
‘Oh that’s a shame!’ said Paddy. ‘If Shamus had been with us, we could have applied for that job.’
An Irishman was accused of being the second in command of a big bank robbery.
‘I wasn’t second in command,’ the Irishman told the judge. ‘I was the mastermind.’
The Judge gave him two months for perjury.
