The Irish sense of humour is legendary. The Irish joke is an international institution. This is a selection of jokes from Appletree Press’ The Bumper Irish Joke Book by Terry Adlam. Can you spot a pattern?
Two Irish mothers were talking, when the first told the second that she had ten children, all boys.
‘Ten!’ said the other mother. ‘What’s their names?’
‘Patrick, Patrick, Patrick,
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick,
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick
and Patrick.’
‘Why did you give them all the same name?’ asked the second mother.
‘To make life simple!’ said the first mother. ‘If I want them to come in from playing I just shout “Patrick”; and they all come. If I want them to come to dinner I just shout “Patrick” and they all come.’
‘But what if you only want one of them?’ said the second woman.
‘Oh that’s when it gets a bit difficult; then I have to use their surname as well.’
An Irishman saw a man on a bridge about to jump off, so he rushed up to him.
‘Don’t jump man! Think of your wife and children.’
‘I’ve haven’t got a wife or children,’ said the man.
‘Well, think about your parents?’
‘I’m an orphan.’
‘Well then, think of St Patrick.’
‘Who’s St Patrick?’ asked the man.
That was when the Irishman pushed him.
‘I used to have a great variety act,’ said Patrick O’Hattrick the retired Irish entertainer when he was
being interviewed on TV.
‘I had a parrot that could imitate famous film stars of the time. You name it, that parrot could imitate it. He could even walk like John Wayne and dance like Fred Astaire.
'Unfortunately though, we didn’t get enough work. I was penniless and hungry so I had to eat him.’
‘You had to eat your parrot?’ said the shocked interviewer. ‘What did it taste like?’
‘Roast beef,’ said Patrick. ‘Like I said that parrot could imitate anything.’
Patrick became a monk and joined an Order where he was only allowed to speak once every five years. At the end of the first five years the Abbot told Patrick that he could speak one sentence.
‘The beds are very hard here,’ he said.
Ten years later the Abbot allowed him another sentence.
‘Can we do something about the beds, they’re very uncomfortable?’ asked Patrick.
Fifteen years later it was Patrick’s time to speak again.
‘You’ve still done nothing about the beds and my back is killing me.’
Twenty years later when the time came to speak.
Patrick stood up and said to the Abbot, ‘Right! That’s it! I’m leaving this Order.’
‘Good!’ snapped the Abbot. ‘You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.’
Sample more 'Irish Jokes' with Irelandseye's selection
from The Bumper Irish Joke Book by Terry Adlam:
<<< first part of our selection of Irish Jokes<<<
<<< second part of our selection of Irish Jokes<<<
